CTP has ended...

CTP is over. I could not write here during my stay at CSA. It is a happening place and one does not get the leisure to take to blogging. CSA has thrown my way a welter of experiences. I find it hard, however, to crystallize them into a coherent blog. Too many  images cascade in front of my eyes when I look back at the not-so-distant days of my Common Training Programme. Country Study Tour and Military Attachment can be argued to be the highlights of the training. And yet, one cannot detract from the everyday experiences at the academy ranging from extension lectures and debates, presentations, syndicate work and community work to cultural nights, club activities and sporting events. And moreover, the hostel is a world unto itself and its range of experiences often borders on craziness.  To cut a long and interesting story short and dull, for I seem to have lost the knack of keep writing effortlessly, suffice it to say that they don't lie when they say, "ONE LIFE, ONE CTP" 

Notes from CSA, Lahore

So here we are. It has been really long since I last wrote here. And I had already intimated about it here in my last posts. The last time I wrote here I was in Karachi and living a different life. Now, I am in Lahore and with a different kind of existence. So much has happened in the intervening past month and there is so much to write home about. And yet, lo and behold, I have not been able to do so. What a pity!

CSA

The schedule here at CSA is a very hectic one. Unnecessarily hectic. CSA is supposed to groom civil servants for the future. But, at times, it feels that there is too much emphasis on the form and too little on substance.A lot of time is spent on trivialities. Nevertheless, there is a lot to learn for a person like me who has not had a very wide range of exposure in life as yet. One gets to meet different people from different backgrounds. One competes and co-operates with them. In such a milieu, one gets to learn about one's strengths and,more importantly, about one's limitations and weaknesses. So the process of learning is under way and, most of the time, at a subliminal level.

Lahore!

Lahore has also been a welcoming city. I have not been able to explore much as yet. Nonetheless, it has impressed me with whatever little I have seen, tasted and observed of Lahore. Lahore has retained its connection with the past. There is a strange, hoary feel to it. Having come from Karachi and having spent good last eight years there, juxtaposing karachi and lahore is inevitable. However, I must wait. I have a lot to explore in both cities to be able to come up with some reasonable comparison. Nevertheless, some observations are in order. The people here in lahore seem more kind and temperate and generous. Whereas, generally, the karachi dwellers are frustrated, angry and short-tempered. Perhaps it has to do with the condition of the city. Poor law and order,coupled with poor transportation and high population, has been the hallmark of city in the recent past which in turn seem to have defined the character of the city and its dwellers.  Lahore, on the other hand, can boast of a relatively good public transportation system and of course a better law and order condition, by far.

Got to go!

I got to go. But before I leave, I must admit that I have not been able to read anything. Yesterday I went to 'Readings' and bought books, a lot of them. I have also brought some eight books with me from karachi. As for studying them ,I don't think I am going to find some time here to do so. Moreover, there is this strange mantra in place here at CSA which says that we are here to enjoy and somehow reading books does not fall into this category. The unnecessarily hectic schedule at CSA too does not allow the probationer to engage in some pleasure reading. Speaking of books and reading, I must mention that I am part of literary club here at CSA and it will of course entail some reading and some writing. Hopefully. Let's see. Good bye till we meet again. Hopefully soon.

Shopping blues...

I have never been a shopping enthusiast. I am a reluctant shopper. Thus, when I was faced with a long and important shopping list for CSA, I hesitated. The past one month has been spent in this terrible task. It is not easy to shop despite the fact that I do not bargain nor window-shop. Although I have almost, yes almost, come to the end of buying, I am still reeling under the weariness caused by it. I do not know if you can relate to it or not, but most of the time,I would go to buy one thing and end up buying something else. On at least two occasions while I had set out to buy myself a few shirts and waistcoats, I came back with nothing but books worth rupees two thousand and three thousand. Besides, there are always these familiar woes of size and fitting and ,intriguingly, you realize them only at home and not at shop when the merchandise is being tried on. Thus, return and exchange follow. I am sure all shoppers must have been through it at one point or another. Or at least I hope it is not peculiar to me. Moreover, if the shopping is prolonged ,as it is in my case, there is an additional reason to feel frustrated. You buy one thing initially but after some time, while you are still working your way up the shopping list,you find its still better version. And you laugh a helpless laugh.

Intangible burdens

It is curious, isn't it? 

Burden of the intangible is invariably heavier. It is so perhaps because it has to do with the mind. Anything that weighs heavily on one's mind takes its toll. Yes, the mind is there to do the thinking. But when it does so ceaselessly, one feels burdened;burdened with the loads of disconnected thoughts and blurred images. How I wish I could tell my mind to switch off for a while, take some rest and begin anew, afresh later. But I know it would be futile. My mind is disobedient. It does not listen to its landlord. Hence, it continues to run. Which is also why I sleep late these days. One can't sleep when the mind is awake, alive and kicking( at times, it feels,even literally so)

 

 

P.S. I have been writing here after a hiatus. And the hiatuses may become more often in the coming days. Busy schedule will keep me from writing my blogs. Let's see.

Reason to smile

Today,I received a phone call from principal of the school where I had taught almost a year and a half back and that too for just two months.She called me today to know if I could join back. She also added that the students still remembered me and spoke highly of me. Obviously, I had to express my regrets for not being able to join back since I am leaving for CSA. Nonetheless, it felt good,really good, to know that one's work is being remembered fondly long after one has left. And yes, I had worked with my heart. It was my first ever job and I had given it everything.Which is why I was expecting to hear back from them. Hard work and sincerity of purpose are some of the basic virtues and when they are recognized, one feels good. Hence, sleeping tonight smilingly.

Good night.

Progress ?

Ever since I have taken to iphone, I have not been able to read any book. The last book I had read was almost a month ago and it was Beckett's famous play 'Waiting for Godot'. Iphone is a big distraction. True, it overwhelms one with a lot of information. The description of the world as a global village now seems a pre-iphone one. Today, the world is in one's pocket. Yet, there is a big flipside to it. In this flood of information, knowledge has gone missing. Knowledge is about connecting the dots. It is result of a slow, careful sifting of facts, perspectives, observations and experiences. In its absence, large trove of information made easily accessible to us by Wi-Fi connected smart phones is tantamount to the large collection of jig-saw puzzle pieces which refuse to come together to form a coherent picture. Of course, I am going to try and strike a balance. I am going to continue to make use of iphone to remain informed without allowing it to eat into too much of my time and hence prevent me from reading books.

 

P.S. Readying to go to Civil Services Academy for CTP. Preparations are under way, slowly but surely.    

Some disjointed notes

I am tired tonight which is a sort of good news.It means I'll be able to sleep forthwith.Of late, I have been remembering my childhood days more often. Few days back I dug out my album of childhood pictures and showed it to mom & dad.They were amused to see the different poses I had struck for photos & instructed me to keep them safe. Dad too showed me the pictures of his youth and seemed quite boastful about his handsome looks & flamboyance. To be fair to him, he had every reason to brag, for he did look quite impressive in those pictures from yore. I am teaching current affairs at Uqaips these days. I am doing rather well. The students seem to be enjoying the class.The jam-packed class is also helping me to further sharpen my articulation. I have begun to think of myself as an orator. I know this is an illusion. And like many illusions in the past, time will erode this one too. Meanwhile, I have found a familiar face from my childhood in the class at uqaips. I recognized him. The boy used to study in the same school as I. I was many years senior to him. But he now looked completely grown-up with a little stubble.He was a kid when I had last seen him and so was I. Time does fly...good night.